Archive for August, 2007

Thought: Book Envy.

Sometimes, after reading a really good book (or story) I get severely depressed. Of course I’ve thought a little about why, but I really threw that much brain power into it. Maybe I never really wanted to figure it out. But recently, during my stint in the private and personal level of hell known as Writer’s Block, it happens more often.

(Jaida might be interested to know that this has happened several times after reading something she wrote. Dani might be interested to know that it happened after things that she and Jaida have co-written. 4 out of the last 6 times I can remember this happening to me, it was after writing done by one or the both of them. Now, I’m not blaming them. I mean, the first condition for this particular type of depression setting in is that I have to really like the thing I just read.)

I just finished read Sarah Monette’s The Mirador. I truly adore this particular series of books. (As might be proven by the fact that I have taken a nickname of one of the characters as my online handle.) Upon finishing it, I realized that while I utterly adored the book, I was depressed that I had read it. Not that I had finished it, exactly, but because it was just. so. good. and–here’s the first point–I hadn’t written it, and–here’s the second point–I wasn’t possibly going to be able to write anything that good at any point in the future. So what I was really getting depressed over is the fact that the book exists.

(Some of this is my own insecurities. I realize this. I think it hits me harder when I haven’t written anything in a while and when it doesn’t look like the Writer’s Block is going to go away any time soon. Because not only am I not going to be able to write anything that good, I won’t be able to write, period.)

Taking a moment to think about this, it sounds pretty irrational to me. Or incomprehensible. But I’ve thought about this for a while now, and I think I have come to some sort of a conclusion.

Here’s what I’ve got: Jealousy. Plain and simply, really. I don’t not write because I don’t have any ideas. In fact, I have a lot of ideas filling up my brain. What I don’t have is the connection from brain to finger that would allow me to give those ideas a release. (Though, I’m not going to deny that part of the problem, a part that only sort of makes it worse, is laziness. Because writing is so hard for me right now, I don’t want to sit down and just do it. That’s where the laziness comes in.) Intellectually I know that I can write. I know that I can even–pardon the arrogance–write well.

I’m not entirely sure what the point I’m trying to make is, or if I’ve found a solution to whatever problem I was trying to find a solution to. There are less than two weeks before I go back to school. My only goal for this summer was to write, and I haven’t written a single thing. I have two weeks to fix this, if it’s even fixable.

Thought: Good and Evil.

I promised I would make a real post when I had something to say. Having taken a few days to think about it, I have a topic.

Dani talked about endings over at Jones & Bennett and it got me thinking. Not about endings specifically, though those do factor in. What it got me thinking about was Good and Evil. (A note should be made that the title of this post was almost “Good and Edit” because apparently when my brain says “evil” my fingers type “edit.” Who knew.)

Be it movies, books, plays, television, whatever, I’ve always been fascinated with the bad guys. Call them villains, call them antagonists, call them evil or call them the bad guys, in general I find them far more interesting and even likable than the protagonist/heroes/good guys. (For the sake of expediency, the two will be referred to as “the protagonist” and “the antagonist” from here on in.) Now, perhaps this is just me and my own leanings. I have more than a few friends who think I am hellspawn, and more often than not, I grin at the nickname. I know it’s something other than “the undeniable allure of the bad boy.”

My theory is this: When creating a protagonist, a writer has only to give then a drive to do good. Because, after all, that is human nature to want to “do good.” There doesn’t really need to be much more explanation than that. But, when creating an antagonist, a writer has to give them a reason for being the way they are. If a writer simply says, “Well, they are completely deranged and went off the deep end so long ago he wasn’t even aware there was a shallow end,” that’s one thing. A generally boring and uninteresting thing, but a thing nonetheless. But if a writer gives the antagonist a reason for being the way “he” is, then it becomes more believable.

Now, the thing about that, then, is that the antagonist is much more thought out than the protagonist, and thus a much more enjoyable character to read about or watch. They have more depth to them. They move out of the realm of “evil” and into “misunderstood.” This also, for me, usually makes them more likable.

I mentioned that this would have something to do with endings, also. And it does, insofar as I would like to someday see a book in which “evil” wins. All right, this happens, I know it does. But I want it to be done well, and I want to it still be a happy ending, somehow. Just once, I want the girl being chased by Dracula to say, “Okay, yeah, you know what? Being immortal wouldn’t be so bad. And the sun would only have given me skin cancer anyway. So sure, Dracula, go ahead. Bite me.” (If someone has a suggestion other than Queen of the Damned I would be happy to hear it.)

This doesn’t happen though. In general, the readers want a “happy ending” which means that the protagonist wins, and the antagonist is “taken care of.” This bother me. It bothers me a lot.

I am going to do something about it, at some point. You can fully expect, in my books, Dracula’s going to bite the damn girl.

Thought: Sky has a problem.

Not so much a real problem, as an almost amusing fake one.

This being that I am incapable of writing without my illustrious roommate! Incapable, I tell you! (This is probably not true. What is true is that without her, I am not even motivated enough to try. *woes and wibbles!*) This is not a problem, really, because she will be returned to me tomorrow morning, and an inhuman hour. And then we shall commence our writings with all seriousness and probably very little sense. (Much like that sentence.)

At some point I will make a real post here. Something that has some real content and a real message to get across. Maybe. Possibly. I hope.

Thought: What to do, what to do.

Of course, having said that I like it here and want to stay, regardless of what LJ and 6A’s deal turns out to be, I have no idea what to write here. My brain says, “Treat it like the LJ,” and maybe, but it’s different. Is it different in a good way? What am I going to do with this thing?

(Not to mention the fact that I can’t seem to type a question mark reliably these days. I always seem to hit the “>” instead. Sure, typing’s not my thing, but at least I used to be able to do it.)

I can guarantee that there will be real content here fairly soonish. After all, I should start doing real writerly-type things again, soon. This will all be heralded by the return of my illustrious roommate.

Thought: Leaving LJ?

So, I don’t actually know if anyone is going to leave LiveJournal. I don’t know that the combined irritation of fandom and the gay community will be enough to force 6 Apart into rethinking its policies, and I don’t know that the combined irritation of fandom and the gay community is enough to force an exodus, but what I do know is that I like it here. From what little I’ve seen, I really like WordPress, and I may actually be here to stay.

I don’t claim to know the future. Who knows what’s going to happen.

Stick around. Looks like a my kind of party.

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